Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Doa, fitnah dan cinta

Dan sesungguh doa orang yg teraniaya dan difitnah itu tiada hijabnya.

Ya Allah, Engkau lebih tahu dan sesungguhnya setiap yg baik itu datang dari Mu dan buruk itu dari aku. Engkau lebih tahu setiap inci hidupku.

Semoga setiap doa yg dititipkan untuk ku itu, dikembalikan kepada mereka. Jika baik doanya, Engkau gandakan dan permudahkan urusannya. Jika buruk doanya, Engkau berikan ketabahan untuk menempuhi doanya sendiri dan bersihkanlah hatinya. Amin yra.

Cinta itu indah, terlalu indah. Terima kasih ya Allah untuk setiap kebahagian semalam, hari ini dan seterusnya.

Friday, March 16, 2018

March 2013

Continue from my last post. I always love March. Back on 2013 i celebrated my 24 birthday with whole new life. After I met my love, my life changed. I am not sure where are we heading to but being with him really make me happy. He met my family few days before he take off to perform umrah. First time I saw my dad happy and agree with my choice. He just like how sincere adli was at that time. Alhamdulillah.

After few weeks  he came back from Mekah, he proposed me. I did not expect things like that will ever came out from him because he told me that he's not ready for commitment. I was totally fine because I still have life goals that I  want to complete. Jodoh tu Allah yg tentukan bukan manusia. Syukur Alhamdulillah. I believe Allah knows better than this.

We plan to get married on 2014. We need more time to get ready. Marriage is not something funny. It's a big thing. 

Like I said, Allah knows better than us. On June 2013, my dad was very ill. The doctor even said if he is not strong enough, maybe low chances for him to survive. After few days of struggling, my dad asked me "sempat ke abah tengok kau dgn adli?". I told him "Baba kena kuat. Don't think about that. InsyaAllah ada rezeki nanti.". Same question everyday. One day my parents in law visited him. After few minutes he asked a question my father in law "anak kita macam mana? Kalau bole saya nak tengok diorang kawen.". At that time,  my whole family was speechless. We know who our father, we know he is not that type of person. I don't know why, I don't know what to do. I'm clueless. 

Later that day my in laws asked us to find a date for us to tie the knot. It was totally fast and easy. Allah ease our journey heading to it. Alhamdulillah. On October 2013 we officially husband and wife. Who would've thought that my father survived? He get to see his last wish. I married to a guy that he know can take care of me. 

A year later, my father passed away. On Friday, in our prayers room, so easy and peaceful and our baby follows him. I had a miscarriage.

Dear Baba, 

I remember all of our memories. I remember how much you want to see my wedding. Now you are together with your dear cucu up there waiting for us. 

Dear kiddo, 

I didn't know that you are exist in there but I know you are now happily with atok up there. I love both of you so much. 

Sunday, February 25, 2018

10 February 2013

It's been a while since I post my last entry. Just feels like talking about about my love story after 5 years being together. It is not that interesting but trust me it happened too fast from the day we start texting until the day I said Yes to him.

We started texting in early February 2013. Started with a joke and end up with a marriage. I was watching YouTube at that time in the office and my bestie was in front of me. I remember I watch Aqasha busking with a bunch of crews. After few videos, I randomly told my bestie I wish I can get a boyfriend who know how to play guitar. Then she asked me "I tweet eh?". I swear I thought she was just joking because we both joke a lot. She tweeted! I'm like, Nah! No one will respond to it. Few hours later I got few DMs from a stranger and few tweets mentioned and one of it was him. LOL!

So we started DM-ing each other but its just a casual message, no flirty message but it's not that much pun. I also DM-ing his best friend, Zul (who now my best friend too.). One day, Zul ask for my BB pin (at that time, I'm using blackberry Curve) and we added each other on BBM. If I am not mistaken, on 9 February 2013, me and Zul plan to hang out the next day since it's public holiday. At this point of time, I am not sure whether I have added Adli on my BBM list or not. I was counting hours at that time and thinking whether I am making a right decision or not. Texted my bestie, Akla and told her I arrange a lepak session with a stranger. I was so freak out and I told her I need her to be with me since this is my first experience.

Fast forward, I met Zul that night. He ditch me. Duhh! He was busy with his phone while eating his spaghetti timun. I spontaneously told him, "Hey! Ajaklah adli lepak sekali.". few minutes later, he was in front of me. The feeling of seeing him was totally different. I'm like "what's happening to me? Why do I feel this way?".

That was my first time I met the love of my life, Adli Ikhwan.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Mimpi tak best

Tadi tertidur balik around 11 am.
Tak taw kenapa lately anxious semacam.
Pastu jantung laju sampai letih.
Semalam sebab diri sendiri yang trigger.
Kejap-kejap dok check heart rate.
Dari ok, terus jantung jadi laju.

Pastu rasanya nak batuk pun ye gak.
Dengan stress pasal benda-benda remeh lagi.
So back to the mimpi story.
Aku paling tak suka mimpi pasal mati.
Lagi-lagi orang yang aku sayang.
Tadi mimpi husband tuuutttt..

Scary ok. Sebab aku dalam mimpi tu tak boleh face the fact.
Aku carry on life aku here and there with him.
Sampai tetibe cousin aku tegur kenapa aku still macam cakap dengan husband aku.
So from there aku macam tersedar yang dia dah takde.
Macam drama kan?
Lepas tu konon aku depressed teruk.

Tetibe terjaga *Thank God*
Konon tidur sebab letih, ni tidur pun letih.
Bangun terus text kawan aku. Text husband.
Memang takut sangat masa tu.
Kawan aku suruh pegi berwudhu. Since da nak masuk zohor pun time tu.

Ya Allah, semoga Allah panjangkan umur kitorang.
Banyak lagi tak berubah.
Semoga kitorang diberi peluang dan kesihatan yang baik untuk beribadah.
Aku memang tak boleh.
Kalau risau memang terbawak sampai tidur.
Tu sebab dulu aku pernah kena marah dengan someone sebab aku suka pressure diri sendiri.
Sungguh tak pressure diri sendiri pun tapi sebab perangai suka memendam ni yg makan diri sendiri adalah.

Aku rasa ni sebab semalam aku melawan ni.
Tu Allah nak bagi petunjuk tu.
Nak lawan sangatkan.
Harus terus minta ampun dengan husband.
I cannot imagine how am I gonna live without him.

Ok I should stop here.
Nak update next entry.
Gambar Rayaaaa..

Monday, July 11, 2016

Eid Mubarak

Lamanya tak blogging.
Last post 2014 kau.
Tiba-tiba rindu blogging.
Apakan daya tiada masa.
Dulu company lama sedap la blogging tanpa sempadan gitu.

Its almost 2 years since my last post.
How's life now?
Mine is awesome as always.
So since tinggalkan dunia blog *cewah macam ada reader kan* banyak je benda berubah.

Aku alhamdulillah dah start bertudung tapi tu la, lagha tu ada lagi.
Slowly lah eh berubah.
Nanti too drastic kang nak maintain tu macam-macam dugaan ok.

So how's raya so far?
Tahun ni sebab tak dapat cuti. Friday kerja.
Raya first day dgn mama aku kat pandan then ke seremban.
Khamis dah balik KL.
So my raya ended on Khamis tu.

Tapi Jumaat malam balik rembau.
So restart balik la feeling beraya tu.
Raya this time tak dapat bagi duit raya.
First sebab beli rumah.
Second sebab lupa nak tukar duit.
Sibuk tukarkan untuk orang sendiri punya lupa. Padan muka!

Alhamdulillah dapat snap photos.
Sebab tak penah ok dapat snap proper photo.
Kalau ada pun gambar camera phone.
Kalau bangsa guna phone canggih takpe.

My raya so far ok.
Harini still cuti even though husband dah kerja.
Merasalah duduk rumah sorang kan.
Oh! Tapi today birthday my sister from another parents.
So tadi bawak dia jalan-jalan and makan-makan for birthday treats.
Kejap je rasa spent time together.
Dulu masa berjiran pun bukan selalu jumpa.

Hopefully she had a good time with me lah tadi.
Ok blurr jap tak taw nak upadate apa.
Nanti kalau ada rezeki update picture raya sikit-sikit ok.

Selamat Hari Raya uols!

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

7 November 2014

بِسمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحمٰنِ الرَّحيمِ

Its been a while since the last time aku blogging and suddenly aku rindu blogging. Tempat aku nak luah segala apa aku rasa. Tonight I am back, to share stories of my life again.

7 November 2014, a date that I will never forget. A date which my nightmare came true. A date that I wish I will never go through. I don't know if I can make it till the end of this entry but I start to feel the heat as am writing this. Semoga aku tabah sampai akhir entry ni. At least I let it go tonight.

around 6.30 am, I received a call from my eldest sister. I just woke up a little bit late than usual. Selalu pukul 6.00 am dah terjaga dan akan sebut 5 minit selama 10 kali kat husband. So on that gloomy Friday hujung-hujung speaker phone aku the moment I answered the phone one word yang betul-betul make my world stop spinning "Abah dah takde!" *hang up* I scream out loud!! "Yang baba dah takde! what should i do yang?" my husband hold my hands and said "bangun mandi kita pergi rumah mama.". Aku cuba bangun, aku jatuh, lembik lutut. Kaki ni macam tak pijak lantai. "Allah, dugaan apa Kau bagi aku kali ni?"

pukul 7 lebih aku sampai rumah mama. Aku tak boleh nak fikir, aku termenung, menangis, termenung. Selalu rasa dekat je rumah mama, entah kenapa kali ni aku rasa perjalanan aku panjang. I was lucky to have my husband with me. Sampai rumah mama, depan rumah ramai orang, dalam rumah semua tengah baca yaasin and I saw a body laying on a mattress belong to baba. Masa tu I was hoping everyone will say its just a stupid prank. Swear to God, I'm hoping its not true. As i'm standing in front of him mama buka sikit tudung yang tutup muka baba. Ya Allah, kenapa? Apa salah aku? Kenapa tak bagi aku jumpa baba at least for the last time, at least one last time untuk aku cium tangan baba?

At that moment, aku blame diri aku for not seeing him for more than a week. I was busy and that particular day, I was excited to finish my work so I can see them later on. That's what I told my husband on the night before. Tapi my plan hancur the moment I saw his body, laying, not moving, not breathing. I'm stupid enough for not realizing that his time is limited. Tapi baba tak sakit. He was ok, sempat celebrate anniversary my sister malam tu. Sempat joke with everyone.

Masa tu, semua orang yang jumpa dia on that week questioned us what happened to him because he was ok. Percayalah, bila sampai masanya, Allah nak kami pulangkan baba pada Dia balik. Walaupun sebelum ni dia pernah sakit dan sampai tahap kami adik beradik redha kalau tuhan nak ambil dia, tapi he survived.

Aku tenangkan hati aku, aku cakap dengan diri aku "Dah sampai masanya baba berehat dengan tenang. He's been through a lot since past few years.". The moment I saw his face, Subahanallah, baba macam tidur. Mata terpejam rapat, mulut tertutup rapat sama macam muka baba bila dia tidur. Masa tu aku mula redha. Aku teringat yang baba pernah cakap dengan aku few weeks before dia tinggalkan aku "abah dah penat, abah nak rehat. Boleh tak abah cuti?". I answered him "tak boleh ba, nanti baba sakit.". He said "mungkin bila abah dah takde nanti baru abah boleh rehat." Long paused. I want him to end it there. Jangan cakap macam tu dengan aku. Aku tak puas bermanja dengan baba.

Sungguh, at this moment aku rasa macam tekak aku perit, macam tercekik. Teringat kata-kata baba. He tried to give me the sign tapi aku tak paham.

Dalam pukul 12 lebih, bilal masjid (terima kasih ustaz kerana tolong kami adik beradik sepanjang pengurusan jenazah. Guide my brother all the way sampai lah ke kubur) datang dekat kami and tell us he's taking our dad ke dalam masjid sebab Friday prayer after that terus nak sembahyang jenazah. He will close the casket it will not be open sampai kebumi. Ustaz suruh kami adik beradik, keluarga untuk cium jenazah untuk terakhir kali. Aku tak nak lepas baba, aku nak cium baba puas-puas. Berkali-kali aku cium baba and the last time I kissed him I said to him "Wait for me ba.". The moment he closed the casket, I know I have to let him go for real.

Selesai solat jenazah, hujan renyai dan makin lama makin lebat. Kami doa banyak-banyak semoga semuanya berjalan lancar. Sepanjang jalan hujan yang turun seolah-olah hujan yang menangis, menangis sama dengan kami sekeluarga. Selesai kebumi dan talkin, menderu hujan turun. Terima Kasih Ya Allah, terima kasih sepanjang perjalanan yang telah Kau permudahkan. Istimewa betul arwah baba.

Aku orang terakhir yang nak tinggalkan kubur baba. Aku masih tak percaya di dalam tu tertanam tubuh baba. Aku terfikir macam-macam masa tu.

As of today 18 November 2014, aku teramat rindukan baba. Rindu yang tuhan aje yang tahu. Aku tak mampu nak menangis macam orang lain. Aku hanya mampu menangis bila aku duduk sorang-sorang. I cry like a baby. I was hoping aku dapat jumpa baba dan peluk dia someday. I kept few of his cloths. Kain pelikat baba tempat aku lepas rindu. Aku peluk, cium seolah-olah aku peluk baba. Aku terlalu rindu. Terlalu rindu.

Ya Allah, janganlah kau siksanya di dalam kubur, Kau luaskanlah kuburnya. Kau tempatkanlahnya di dalam golongan hamba Mu yang beriman. Kau ampunilah semua dosanya, Ya Allah. Aminn.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

im back!

Its been a while tak blog. Busy catch up dengan new life as a wife. Waaa pelik amat bila guna perkataan wife. Kejap je rasa da dekat 6 bulan kawen.

Life is great as usual.

And InsyaAllah i will start my online business back.

Stay tune!

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Stage of life

I'm officially engaged to an amazing man! Syukur Alhamdulillah.. Nothing much I can say about us. All I hope for now, may Allah bless our journey. Amin :)
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Sunday, August 4, 2013

4 hari lagi

Kejap je rasa, lagi 4 hari da abes puasa. Baju ke apa semua tak beli lagi. Dah tahun kedua roadtax mati ngam2 time dekat raya. Huwaaa! Tahun ni memang kereta je beraya, acik dok umah dendiam pakai baju raya tahun lepas. So sad! This year lagi terasa actually sebab kereta 2 bulan ni memang banyak pakai duit. Takpe, tahun depan kita beraya ye..

Sedih jugak sebenarnya sebab last year ok lagi sebab merasa duit kpi. So still dapat shopping sikit. Tahun ni, hampeh.. Nak buat macam mana, takde rezeki.

Semangat raya tak sampai-sampai lagi sebenarnya. Tapi sejak da meningkat usia ni, memang kurang sikit semangat raya. Lagi syok puasa dari raya. Lagipun this year maybe busy sikit. Lagi la takde semangat.

Hopefully lagi 2-3 hari ni sampailah semangat raya tu.
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Friday, August 2, 2013

Chapter of life

At the end of the day, the only thing you realise that you have to stand alone.

Learn what's the meaning of life without anyone to cheer you up!
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